The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
