My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
