finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
