I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
