please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
