you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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