i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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