he thought i was a dude.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
