She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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