I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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