i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
