i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
