Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
