I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
