she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
