dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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