next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
