the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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