he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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