i think my mom watched the whole time
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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