she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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