god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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