I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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