You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
COCAINE IS GR8
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
