There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
