why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
