I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
