i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
