i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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