you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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