He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
