Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
