So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
