see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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