You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I need water and some morals
Randomize
