i just sent this text using only my big toe
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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