Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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