No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
