You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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