Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
