I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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