Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
