Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
