you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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