im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
