"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
