so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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