Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
