He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My dick has a subreddit
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
