i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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