He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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