He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
