I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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