Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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