hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
