Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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