You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
