i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
