I hate your face
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
