I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
